" Either make me or break me "

Has it really been 3 months since my last update..

do i honestly have tan lines on the first week of april..
SUMMERSUMMERSUMMERSUMMER's approaching!!!!!!!! <3<3
i'll try and contain my excitement, but fuck yeahh.
ps. i suck at updating

What I can remember is a lot like water trickling down a page of the most beautiful colors. I can't quite put my finger down on the moment that I became like this. You see, I’m the bravest girl you'll ever come to meet. Yet I shrink down to nothing at the thought of someone really seeing me. I think my heart is wrapped around and tangled up in winding weeds but I don't want to go on living being so afraid of showing someone else my imperfections. And even though my feet are trembling and every word I say comes out stumbling, I will bare it all. Watch me unfold.

-jbeibs aug 24 ^

You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs,
the one guy who made me actually look forward to waking up in the morning,
You were the guy who could make or break me, who had my heart,
but never bothered to do anything about it.
You’ll be the high school heartache I’ll tell my kids about.

"We're all made of stories. When they finally put us underground, the stories are what will go on. Not forever, perhaps, but for a time. It's a kind of immortality, I suppose bounded by limits. It's true, but then so is everything."



"It's like, I did everything wrong, and then overnight, I've grown, and now, I do everything right."
- taken from my secret ( not so secret) diary

ffuucckk you :) ...

Always remember that when someone wants a boyfriend, it wont help to tell them that some don't even have parents. Remember that just because others are starving, doesn't mean you cannot be hungry. Some people may be striving to live, but that doesn't mean others aren't wishing to die. Problems are relative, just because someone else's problems may be larger than yours does not mean yours do not matter.


"what happens when the boy holding your hand and the boy holding your heart aren't the same person?"

Its like nobody understands, and your the only exception.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2NpTwVr968

hey, you know what hurts? when a guy denies that you've ever been a special part of his life, although thats what he's told you all along.

"went out driving tryin' to clear my head"

" i'm at a weird point right now. i've always missed him, & i've always loved him. but i kissed him, & him, & him. but i also love you, & i can't imagine not spending my time with you. in addition, i should just be focusing on myself. my head hurts, my heart is sore, & i'm tired. "

why is it so hard to accept things as they are? why do we struggle & fight against the inevitable? is it the knowledge that things could be better? or is it hope? the hope that if things were different, we would be different. better. stronger. complete.

"Desperate"at this point, she'd do anything for even an inch of sympathy.
if you ask society, she's crazy.

find a globe. point to where you are. now point to the exact opposite location. this is the farthest place away from you. figure out exactly how to get there (this is easily done online). write down the directions & seal them in an envelope. on the envelope write: "how to get as faraway as possible." keep this envelope in a safe place. you may need this in the future incase you have to escape (because of the occurrence of undesirable future events, or simply the overwhelming of certain feelings over your body and mind).

you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.
" you always had to be right, but now you've lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive"


That's what happens when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't.
& it took a while for her to figure out that she could run.

who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told? somebody tell me why i'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone?


do you ever wanna run away?
please say yes.


"with the radio turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming"
welcome to my life - simple plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong;And no one understands you. Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming,No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right,You don't know what it's like
To be like me,To be hurt,To feel lost
To be left out in the dark,To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around,To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you,No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more? Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies,While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like,When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like..To be like me

All i have ever dreamed of was living that perfect life. turns out, that life is just a fairytale.. something that will never brought to reality by anyone no matter who they are.

"but more than anything, i wanted to be able to walk away. & it seemed like the one thing i couldn't do at that moment. like my feet were glued to the pavement & my lips & tongue suddenly weren't able to work. it was the moment i knew i had been waiting for, to tell him just how broken i felt & how empty & wrong everything felt without him next to me. that everything i did reminded me of him & no matter how hard i tried, nothing i did felt completely right. but to declare that i'm so strong & i always knew i would be okay without him holding my hand. that this is what life consists of. of "i'm sorry's" & "i miss you's." & i knew that we all had to fall at some point, but i wasn't ready to fall. i tried to leap but had nowhere to land. "i guess i thought you'd come back." i said with tear filled eyes. & i didn't want him to see me weak, it was that last thing i wanted to show him. the pit of my stomach lurched forward & i think my hear fell out of my chest. i was never good at making statements but with nothing to lose, i had everything to gain. "what do you want me to say?" "i want you to say something. i wa- want you to know. i want you to understand & feel everything i felt when you decided to just leave. to just waltz out when the timing felt right for you. well the timing wasn't right for me. i woke up every morning with an aching heart. i hoped you would come back & every night when you wouldn't, it felt like i was missing something. i want you to say you're sorry, i want you to say you missed me. i want you to say that every minute you were gone that you wished you were here. i want you to say anything." "babe.." he choked out "but most of all, i want you to know that i don't need you. because during the month that you decided not to visit or call or communicate, i found something that you could never give me. i found myself." & in that instance, my feet swiftly turned me to face the sunset & i walked away from something i wasn't sure two months ago i would ever turn back on. i always thought i needed someone to love me. but loving myself was something i needed far more."


" There are two types of secrets, the ones we keep from others, and the ones we keep from ourselves"

there are no foreign lands. it is only the traveler who is foreign.
girl, you're doing everything wrong but you make it look so good.

been through a lot in the last year, it's like everything i love is slipping away. & every time i come home, some more of me isn't there. i gotta get it together, i need to do things for myself. i've given everything but still you take more from me. i need some room to breathe.

yes, i'm going to ask again, for somewhere around the 1,000 000th time; why me?


if there is something she's done to deserve this, please let her know so at least there'd be something she was certain about in her life..

[ while your sleeping with your pride; dont worry ill be fine ]

I woke up today to the thought of the sunshine, I never noticed how bright it actually shines..
exam in aboutt 2 hours..
wish me luckk :)

I can forgive you for leaving,but I cant forgive you for coming back

Once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

Never let succes go to your head, and never let failure go to your heart.

At the end of the day, you either focus on what seperates you or what holds you together.

I wouldn't take a bullet for you, but I'd push you out of the way. I'd rather stay with you; I love you enough to stay.

If you didn't have pain, you wouldn't know what good felt like.

She sprayed a pillow with his colognejust to make sure she'd never forget the love of her life as he sprayed a pillow with her perfume to try to convince his heart that she'd never love him again.

I make myself sick. I feel weak and pained. I've always hurt, but I've never let it show.
At least, Not 'til now..

I see no harm in telling young people to prepare for failure rather than success, since failure is the main thing that is going to happen to them.

never look down on anyone unless you're helping them up.

"long ago, I learned not the be picky with farewells. they weren't guaranteed, nor promised. you were lucky, blessed even, if you got a goodbye at all."

& if we were really meant to be, well, then we just defied destiny. it's not that our love died, it just never really bloomed.

the fact is lollipops turn into cigarettes, the innocent ones turn into sluts. undies turn into thongs, & homework turns into recyclables in the trash. cell phone turn into electronics hidden in class. detention becomes suspension. soda becomes vodka, bikes become cars, kisses turns into sex. remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? when protection means wearing a helmet? when the worst thing you can get from boys was cooties? remember when your mom was your best friend? your biggest enemies were your siblings. race issues were about who ran the fastest & the only drug you knew was cough medicine. when wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. the most pain you ever felt was when you skinned your knees, & goodbyes meant till tomorrow. we couldn't wait to grow up, but i would give anything to go back.

& i think i cried for days, but now that seems light years away. & i'm never going back to who i was.

cinderella walked on broken glass. sleeping beauty let a whole lifetime pass. belle fell in love with a hideous beast. pocahontas risked her life for a feast. jasmine could had had anyone, instead she chose a poor man. ariel walked on land all for love, & for life. love's all about facing your biggest fears.

she talks about you like you put the stars in the sky.

an amusement park in winter is like when you go to the places where you went with the person you love but they're not with you anymore. everything rickety & cold & empty.

i am small. i feel like no more than nothing at all. but when i lose sight of daylight & my darkness falls, i'll be strong.

"i can't see anything that i don't like about you.""but you will.""right now i can't.""but you will. you know, you will think of things. & i'll get bored with you & feel trapped, because that's what happens with me."

you wake up with a list of all the people you'd rather be. but you're already on everyone else's list.


how am i supposed to pretend i never want to see you again?

He and I had something beautiful but so dysfunctional it couldn’t last.
she once lived a happy life

She was precious like a flower,
she grew wild, wild but innocent,
a perfect prayer in a desperate hour,
she was everything beautiful and different,
stupid boy.

Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can.

You look at her so amazed, I remember when you used to look at me that way.

Never make someone your priority when all you are to them is an option.

This is the best chance you've got, and most of you won't do a thing even when something in your gut makes you suddenly taste saliva in your mouth and for a second you almost ask yourself is this all my life is ever going to be?

"He and I had something beautiful but so dysfunctional it couldn’t last"

but, like ivy, we grow where there is room for us.

i think it's more interesting to see people who don't feel appropriately. i relate to that, because sometimes i don't feel anything at all for things i'm supposed to and other times, i feel too much. it's not always like it is in the movies.

The sun is out, it melts the snow that fell yesterday. makes you wonder why it bothered..

you're probably thinking i've forgotten all about you by now, but that's far from it. i have missed you every waking day and my heart still hurts, but i'm getting better. i continue to smile and still go on without you. i know i have missed you, but i have kept it all inside of me, only for me to know. i still wonder about your doings, how you are, what you're doing, what we used to talk about, to the laugh in your voice. just everything - i miss it all. however, i feel that the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when i will see you again. until then, remember this; no matter what, even through the screaming fights, the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we've cried, never ever did I give up on you. so if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. i may be far away, but i will always be in reach.

to everybody i've ever known : i'm so sorry for everything that's happened. i don't know how to fix it.

i'm going to walk away and it's up to you to say how far.

stay mad as long as you can because once you`re not mad anymore, it hurts. it hurts like hell & once it hurts that bad, you can`t make yourself mad anymore.

he’s the king of mixed signals, and i’m the queen of second thoughts.

you're no longer my last phone call or text message, no longer my last kiss, yet somehow, you're still the first thing on my mind.

fuck it. you throw a dart at a map, we’ll go there and start new. somewhere else in the world that’s not here. somewhere where we haven’t said things to each other that we can’t unsay and done things which we can’t undo. there we can say new things. we can do new things. and those new things we say and do will be more important than the old things. let’s leave. please. leave with me.

i hate how we never got our chance to see what we could’ve been. i hate how i know i’m not over you and how i pretend to be.

you can tell a lot about a person's character by what they smile about.

i have never been strong enough to stay. people say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn't. staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.

"His leadership inspired the team"
I like purple today :)

you know something,
In life, when things don't go your way..
even after you've given it your all, your best shot,
you may think like Eminem "once you give your best shot, that's it.. there's only one opportunity"
or you may think like me.
I've grown to have faith in everything I do.
After all that I've been through, I acknowledge the fact that I came out a better& stronger person.
Now that I've pursued one of my only goals to make peace with my past,
things are better. But not exactly the way I want it to be.
I've opened the door, they just have to walk through it.
him, oh him.. he's as wonderful as ever.
but I wonder if he realizes I'm not going to wait around forever.
pffft. yeah right. knowing me I'll run right back the minute he realizes he loves me.
I have a tendency to go back to old things in my life that I begin to miss.. even though it may not be easy, I still pull through it, and come out stronger.
believe in your self.
If anyone doubts you (the way things work in life, I'm 101 % sure that somebody will),
don't completely ignore it.
&
don't completely take it in.

Don't ignore it because maybe that person really does care about you, and they have only good intentions.
Don't completely take it in because you should know by now, that your not living to please other people.

when you begin to listen to yourself.
that's the day someone will listen to you.

-blov3
...
We laugh together. We flirt more than ever. We seem so perfect, but you and me? never.

"Be with who makes you happy, even if it means your always running back."
Honestly, if you’re not willing to sound stupid, you don’t deserve to be in love.

"What are you waiting for?"
"I don't know, something amazing i guess."
-The Incredibles

You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices, or my past. Because you weren't there and you didn't get your heart broken, and you didn't watch me bounce right back.

you can't waste time over missing something in the past. life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and you can accept that. yet you still can't stop thinking of how good it used to be; afraid you'd never experience it again, afraid you've already lived it and already lost it. you can't waste time over missing something in the past. life changes, people grow up and grow apart, and you can accept that. yet you still can't stop thinking of how good it used to be; afraid you'd never experience it again, afraid you've already lived it and already lost it.

The minute you decided that I wasn't worth the truth was the minute you decided to break my heart.
Relationships are like glass.
Sometimes it is better to leave them broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Nate: When you called the other day, it was like... I could breathe again.


To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless if walking into your freshman year of highschool at fifteen. Fearless is getting up and fighting for what you want over and over again... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even though you can't breathe without them. I think it's fearless to fall for your best friend even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's fearless to stop believing them. It's fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright... that's fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.- Taylor Swift


I'm a totally new person.
I had to leave some people behind that were important to me,
I regret it but I just have to learn to move on in life and forget my past.

I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.

Serena: I need to know why you love me.
Dan: Because I do.
Serena: I really want to trust you when you say those words, Dan. So maybe if I knew why, I'd stop being so scared of hearing them and afraid to say them.
Dan: Okay. Well, if you want to talk about why...
Serena: It has to do with my mom and her many marriages.
Dan: There. That's why. Because I actually like it when you interrupt me, which is often, by the way. I love you because you make no apologies about being exactly who you are... Beautiful, smart, sexy as hell.
Serena: Now you're embarrassing me.
Dan: That's another reason. You're completely unaware of your affect on me. You're also completely unaware that you laugh like a 4-year-old. And I love you because you can be with someone like me and still be best friends with someone like Blair.
Serena: Yeah, well, I tried to be.
Dan: I know you do. And that's not easy, but you never give up on her. That is how amazing you are.
Serena: Well, you're amazing too, for being able to say all of those things. You just are. And I love you.

You still mean everything to her, you're just not worth the fight anymore.

"To laugh often and love much... to appreciate beauty,
to find the best in others, to give one's self...
this is to have succeeded" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Within you I lose myself.
Without you, I find myself always wanting to become lost again.

ilysmainsfeaecbymmwgrws.
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